Story
by Gwenhwyfar1984
Summary: After Dean walks in to find Meg and Cas in a compromising position, he and Sam demand to know exactly how the angel and demon ended up that way.
1. Story

What If AU Challenge #28-Crack!Fic

* * *

Sam was awoken from a deep sleep by Dean's loud shout. Hurriedly, the younger Winchester grabbed his guns and hurried out of his room. Dean was still yelling, and Sam knew that if something had breached the bunker's defenses, it had to be powerful.

He found Dean in the next hallway, shouting at a door. He was about to ask what happened, when he actually heard what Dean was saying.

"—the fuck is wrong with you? You're an angel and—" Dean spotted Sam.

"What's going on?" Sam asked.

"Brain bleach, Sammy. I need you to get me some brain bleach," the eldest Winchester said, his voice dangerously close to a whine.

Sam cautiously lowered his weapons and approached his brother. "What's going on?"

Dean waved his hand towards the door and turned away. "Horrific things. Unspeakable things."

Sam looked at the closed door, confused, and a moment later it opened. Castiel stepped out. The angel was in a state Sam had never seen before. Normally impeccably dressed, Cas' feet were bare, his shirt was untucked and unbuttoned, and his suit jacket and trench coat were gone.

Sam found said trench coat a moment later when Meg joined them in the hall. She was wearing it.

Sam quickly figured out what must have happened, and bit his cheek to stop from laughing. "Oh. I, uh..."

"You. Out!" Dean demanded, pointing at Meg.

"No," she replied. Leaning against the wall, she began to play with something on her left hand.

"Meg is not leaving. Dean, we—" Cas started.

"I don't want to hear your excuses. This—Cas! She's a demon," Dean exclaimed.

"I am aware of what she is," Cas replied, looking annoyed.

"Then you know that you should be smiting her, not screwing her."

"Dean, we—"

"How the hell did this happen?" Dean demanded.

"Look, why don't we all go in the library and get this figured out?" Sam asked.

Meg and Dean rolled their eyes, but the group made their way to the library. Sam got beers for everyone and settled down.

"After I left the bunker Friday, I was upset, so I went to a bar. Meg was at the same bar," Castiel began.

"You're stalking him now?" Dean asked Meg.

"No," she replied, still focusing on her hand.

"Then why were you there?"

"Why do people go to bars, Dean?"

"You're not a person."

"We left the bar," Castiel said, his voice raised to regain Dean's attention, "because in order to get drunk we needed much more alcohol than they had."

"So you found a liquor store and drank it?" Sam asked.

Cas' lips turned up in a small smile. "Two stores this time."

"Wow. So, you were both shitfaced and decided to screw?" Dean asked.

"No. We went to Las Vegas," Cas replied.

"What?"

"Yes. It was more enjoyable than I thought it would be. It turns out that I'm very good at gambling. Of course, I had a good teacher," he gave Meg a fond look.

Surprisingly, she returned it.

"So, you two gambled and..." Dean prompted.

"And...what? You want a down to the minute itinerary?" Meg asked.

"Yes," Dean replied, his tone completely serious. "I want to know the exact minute Cas went crazy again."

"I assure you, I am quite sane," Cas replied.

"If you were sane, I would not have walked in to find Meg on top of you!"

San winced at the mental image. "Dean..."

"If it makes you feel any better, earlier he was on top," Meg replied, leaning back in her chair and grinning.

Dean looked about ready to gank her, so Sam tried to continue the conversation. "Drunkenness and gambling don't explain what... What I mean is, Cas when did your relationship with Meg...change?"

Cas looked confused for a moment and then nodded. "I see. You wish to know when we became sexually physical. That was Saturday night, after our wedding."

Sam froze, stunned.

"What?" Dean asked, sounding just as stunned.

Meg held up her hand. Sam saw that she had been playing with a ring around her left ring finger. He saw a similar one on Cas' left ring finger.

"M-married? How does that even? You don't exist..." Dean struggled.

"They're called fake ID's genius," Meg said.

"But that does not matter. We married each other," Cas said firmly.

"You're right. You are sane. I'm the one who's lost it," Dean said, getting up from the table and grabbing another beer from the mini fridge. "This is a nightmare."

"Cas, why?" Sam asked, ignoring Dean.

"I love her. I've loved her since she stayed with me in the hospital. She was there for me when I needed someone. When I was most vulnerable. It doesn't matter if she's a demon, because I see beyond that."

Meg rolled her eyes at Cas' words, but Sam could see that it was show. He wanted to ask if Meg loved Cas back, but that was answered when the demon reached over and gave the angel's hand a quick squeeze.

"Well, congratulations," Sam said.

"Thank you."

The newlyweds returned to their room, and Dean sat down heavily in a chair.

"I failed, Sammy. I was supposed to protect him here on Earth, and instead I lost him to a demon," Dean said tiredly. "He was a baby in a trench coat. Totally ignorant of life."

"He's thousands of years old. But, I do agree it was our fault. Twice, in fact."

"Huh?"

"Well, on Friday, you said to him 'God, I'm sick of your hovering. Get out! Go get a life!' And, back when he was insane, we left him with Meg. We practically played matchmaker."

Dean swore and finished his beer. "You're right. So, how long does the honeymoon phase last for supernatural beings?"

Sam started laughing.


	2. Sexy

Castiel set the lore book down on the table and frowned. He heard the sound of someone hurrying towards him. He could think of no reason why someone would be hurrying except for an emergency.

Sam entered the library, slightly out of breath.

"What is the problem?" Cas asked, dropping his angel blade from his sleeve to his hand.

"You gotta...it's Meg and Dean," Sam said.

Cas shook his head and stood. His wife, Meg, and his best friend, Dean, had never gotten along. Dean hated the fact that Meg was a demon, and Meg...well, she just enjoyed antagonizing Dean as much as possible.

As he followed Sam, a deep sense of dread filled him. Had they finally come to blows? Was he going to find one of them gravely injured or dead?

Sam led him to the room that everyone in the bunker used as an entertainment room. It used to be a bedroom, but they'd taken all of that furniture out and replaced it with a large television, DVD player, stereo, chairs, and a sofa. On a side table sat a microwave and one of those machines that allowed you to make individual cups of hot beverages.

As they approached the door, Sam turned to Cas, and signaled for silence. Then he pointed in the room, his eyes wide.

Completely confused, Cas looked inside.

There was no blood, no injuries. Meg sat curled up on the sofa, and Dean was in a chair. They were watching the TV.

"Ugh. Montana," Meg said.

"Hate her," Dean replied. "Though she is hot."

"Right? I mean, she claims to love Melody, but disrespects her at every opportunity. Never really accepted Melody's bisexuality, and basically badgered her back into a relationship when Montana returned from helping those orphans."

Cas turned to Sam. "They're not fighting. That is a good thing."

"Is it?" Sam asked, and nodded back at the others.

"Hey, look who is in the on-call room this week," Meg said. A couple on the television was engaging is sexual activity.

Dean snorted. "Told you. I mean, it was obvious when they did that brain replacement surgery together last—"

"Shh!" Meg interrupted as the scene changed. "Doctor Sexy has on his black cowboy boots!"

Both of them stared at the television in silence.

Castiel was suddenly very relieved that Doctor Sexy was a fictional character.

"It's really too bad he and Piccolo can't have kids," Meg said once Doctor Sexy was offscreen.

"Yeah, who knew that freak lightening strike four seasons ago damaged him so bad..." Dean said mournfully.

"But Doctor Baker's wife did propose that experimental surgery for him..."

"Eh. Maybe."

Doctor Sexy came on the screen again. He was driving down a dark, deserted highway during a rain storm. Suddenly, another car came out of nowhere and hit Doctor Sexy's car. It rolled several times and then stopped, crushed. The screen went dark and the credits started.

"What..." Dean asked.

"That did not just happen," Meg stated firmly.

"How..."

"That did not just happen."

"Doctor Sexy?"

Meg abruptly stood. "I think I need to pay a visit to some studio executives."

"Doctor Sexy..."

Sam and Cas returned to the library in silence.

"They are not fighting," Cas said again. Although he was now very worried for some studio executives.

"Nope." Sam agreed.

Dean and Meg came into the library. Meg had some weapons in her hands.

"Meg?" Cas asked carefully.

"Demon business," she replied.

"I—"

"Hey, if she has demon business let her do it. Who are we to stand in her way?" Dean interrupted and went into the kitchen.

Meg grinned and headed up the stairs and out of the bunker.

Cas stared after his wife for a few long minutes, contemplating following her to stop whatever she had in mind.

"I now see that that media room was a very, very bad idea," Sam said. "We should have gone with the game room."

"...they are not fighting,."


End file.
